Figuring out what’s true in life and what’s not is hard. When we aren’t sure, we have a tendency to make assumptions about what's going on and then act on those assumptions. This is often a mistake. Anxiety catapults us into action when really, we should be waiting for the truth of a situation to unveil itself. We react because waiting would require us to cope with the discomfort of uncertainty while taking action gives a sense of control. Control however, remains an illusion...despite or love for it and the comfort it gives. Ironically, real and sustained comfort comes from learning to let go, the opposite of control. Whether we are patient or not and regardless of what actions we have taken to try and influence it, the truth always reveals itself in time. We could have had a million thoughts about it or no thoughts about it and it wouldn't change a thing.
Let other people tell you what their truth is and believe them. This is something that a lot of people struggle with, particularly in relationships. There’s this thing called “analysis paralysis” where people get so wrapped up in analyzing someone else’s words and actions and the meanings behind them that they completely lose their grip on the situation. Sometimes they freeze and don't do anything, bottling it all up only to explode later in resentment. Other times, they react in response to their own interpretations and feelings instead of what is actually happening right in front of them. When this happens, it almost always leads to the classic ‘overreaction’, those times when your partner says "where the hell did that come from?" or "what's wrong with you?". Trying to decode someone else’s truth is an impossible endeavor so don’t waste your time. It’s their responsibility to tell you the truth and your only job is to accept it as it is or leave it. Trying to argue someone out of their truth is futile, unkind and can undermine that person’s sense of self-worth. The truth is nonnegotiable and definitely not something to fight about. When you find someone who is strong enough to tell you the truth, even when it hurts, they are worth holding on to. To be unclear is to be unkind.
When it comes to your truth, be brave enough to put it out there even though your scared. Doing this gives the people in your life the opportunity to respond to you authentically and they deserve that chance. More importantly, it gives you the chance to find out who accepts you as you are, so that you can build on those relationships and let other ones go. There's nothing more exhausting than living a lie. Remember, “Pretty words aren’t always true, and true words aren’t always pretty”, but you will always find freedom in the truth.
-Jen